Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
