Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
not ubering you a puppy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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