Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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