I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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