I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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