I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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