ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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