he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
