Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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