His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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