I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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