i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
