cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
