I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
