addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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