Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
