i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
