Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
