apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
