i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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