Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
