I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
