she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
