I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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