If i come over, it means nothing
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
