TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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