ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
