Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
