he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
