Your face is a jimmy john
okay pat passed out under dana's car
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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