And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
