kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
