Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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