I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
