I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
