Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
