ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
