on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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