you would pick up someone in the library
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
