I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
