you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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