Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
