the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
