Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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