Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
