Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
