Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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