are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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