No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Mom said you looked used
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
