I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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