shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
