so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
