I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
