She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
