I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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