So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
